Finding the Perfect House Part III: Part 1: Buying the Perfect House

(Where’s part one? Not sure, but I did get a phone call from her a few days ago. She said something about being in Reno. I think she was drunk dialing me from a party.)

After living at the House on Silent Hill for longer than I should have, my fiance and I moved in with her brother Mark. If this post counts as the Return of the Jedi, then what happened at Mark’s totally counts as a Shadows of the Empire section. Naked wampas and all.

Aw, isn't that bloodthirsty creature just adorable?

So anyway, jumping ahead to the end of our year at Mark’s, my fiance and I decided we had to get our own place. We began looking at ads for apartments but kept coming to the conclusion that they were either too expensive or too trashy (or sometimes both). Those in the middle wouldn’t allow us to bring cats. Someone, might’ve been my mother, then brought up looking for a house, adding that if we couldn’t get a home loan ourselves, they’d buy it and we’d rent it from them. Cool beans huh?

Well, turns out we could get a home loan. By we, of course, I meant my fiance. Apparently having a good, steady job and excellent credit does come in handy. And here I thought she was just wasting money with that credit card of hers. We ended up searching for homes in the same neighborhood as the House on Silent Hill since we really did like the neighborhood. Rather quickly we found a house that we both liked (not having black mold everywhere kinda helped) and we put a bid in on it.

Then they counter bid. We got this news as we were in our car and we just kinda stared at each other blankly. It wasn’t upsetting, it was just strange. The first thing to come out of my mouth was, “Holy shit we’re buying a house.” Cause at that point it was fo’ realz, straight up grown-up shit. We accepted their counter bid and then started the long boring process of waiting, signing a bunch of papers, waiting again, faxing more papers and forms, waiting, and more waiting. Since we couldn’t afford  the down payment ourselves, we got both our sides families to help us, which was nice but required so much damn paperwork we might as well have just taken their money and said it was ours. I mean really, we had to send the mortgage guy the receipt of the money being in one person’s account, a copy of their check, and about 20 receipts of the money being in our account, just in case goblins went in the account and took all our monies. To makes this worse, we got the money, put it in our account, but the mortgage company messed up somewhere and we had to give them their money back to do the whole process all over again.

We ran into a slight problem at one point with this. There was a deadline for scheduling the closing date (you only have thirty days after the bid is accepted to get everything done) and, as said before, we had to redo a whole process with our benefactors.  The problem was that one of our benefactors was taking classes in Detroit and the other was all the way in Pontiac. Since benefactor number 1 didn’t get out of class until banks closed my fiancee had to drive all the way down to Wayne State’s campus to find him. Of course he gave the money in cash, so my dear fiancee was walking around Detroit with a good $1,200 in her pocket. Not to say that Wayne State’s Campus is dangerous in the middle of the day, but walking around with that much money is just a bad idea no matter where you are.

Benefactor number 2 was in a work meeting at the time, but we didn’t really take “not now” for an answer. So after making the 45 minute drive from Detroit to Pontiac, my fiancee pulled some sort of James Bond stuff and got benefactor 2 out of the meeting. They proceeded to finish the exchange of money in the bathroom. ‘Cause that’s not shady or anything…

Then she drove like mad to a bank as they were about to close in about 10 minutes at that point. When she got there, eyes red with frustration at the world, she did a bunch of fancy bank account transfers, and then went back to the workplace of benefactor number 2 to fax said receipts and cashier’s check to the mortgage company. They were closing too.

You know it probably would have been easy had not the dearest benefactor on my side (Number 2) question and complain about every step we needed. “You need me to do what? Why? That’s stupid I don’t want to do that. When I bought all my houses I didn’t have to do that.”

All this while my eyes nearly popped out as I screamed, “I don’t care how you’ve done it, just fucking do it!”

We had a deadline, partly cause we didn’t want to pay rent anymore but mostly because we were getting really close to the end of the First Time Home Owner tax credit. Which, I must add, made me appreciate former president Bush. (10% of the money back, up to $8000? Hell yes!)

We made the deadline no problem and starting moving in the day we signed the papers.

Funny thing is, when you’re looking at a house you don’t notice all the imperfections. Oh sure, you notice that the kitchen is pretty jacked up with no real room for a fridge but not all the tiny things like the fact that the paint is chipping off in more places than you think, or that there’s rust in the pipes, or that some pipes are the type of pipes they stopped using in mobile homes about 10 years ago, or that the ancient hot water heater makes sounds similar to a pissed off monster.

And to think that we even hired an inspector.


7 Responses to “Finding the Perfect House Part III: Part 1: Buying the Perfect House”

  1. Both “benefactors” were both men eh?? I’m just sayin’, makes it more interesting…but sounds like they just worked together to flip houses. All those hoops and you even got an inspector to look over the house and didn’t inform you of all those problems. Btw, who accepts the first counteroffer?? Did you even have a realtor? Hopefully, you took the home inspection into account at least, but maybe that didn’t help. But if it was a FHA mortgage, they wouldn’t let that kind of stuff fly.

    One more question, but possibly the most crucial…who did you get your mortgage with??

    • Actually one was a woman.

      We accepted their counter-offer, we could have counter-offered their counter-offer but didn’t. We did have a Realtor, he was actually my fiancee’s uncle. Cool guy actually.

      It was an FHA mortgage, apparently 90% of the mortgages in the country are FHA now. We got it through John Adams Mortgage. If you’re looking for more info I’ll throw you an email or facebook message. 🙂

  2. If this is part III, wouldn’t it be more like Revenge of the Sith?

    The water heater sounds like a mixture between popping popcorn getting increasingly louder and an huge oger chewing on the bones found in human remains.

  3. lol sorry about that Tea…it was my first post and I was just following Antonin’s writing…he had made her a man. And I must have misread too because, but I didn’t think I did because he had said “Then THEY had counterbid” (my emphasis)….lol Poking holes in Tony’s writing is fun :-). But hey, can’t wait to see the house you had sold him. I also see your mention about the FHA loans, and I am aware of the negative connotation those loans have, but they are actually one of the best loans to get right now. I just knew someone who had gotten one and it required to leave the house in great condition. I mean, the things they had to do to get that loan…anyways, I digress the house shouldn’t be that bad then :-). And they didn’t get their loan from one of the banks that screwed the country so I am very happy with that too ^_^.


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