Archive for ‘What the hell am I thinking?’

October 28, 2010

Thar be Dragons


Durp

Recently, I noticed that I simply have not had any half-decent ideas to write in this blog. The purpose of this blog was to chronicle the whole “chasing my dream” thing. Well, as I’ve come to find out, there’s a whole lot of absolutely nothing to talk about for long periods of time.

Right now I’m reading over the draft of my novel-which means it’s a manuscript, which I think means I’m officially a novelist. Of course I’m not just saying that cause it sounds good (although it does), but I’ve heard that apparently just finishing a large manuscript makes you one. Neat huh? Maybe you guys should join me.

The process I’m currently undertaking is very, well, dull. Nothing much to say and too much too do.

Not to mention the fact that since I’m been working-from-home I get a bit tired of staring at the computer screen. Now that’s an excuse.

But really, I’m all dried up here like a raisin as for the topic of this blog.

So I had an idea. If I’m trying to get people to read stuff I write, maybe I should do the smart thing and write about something that’s current that has groups of people that care about it.

Ah yes, there’s the writing community, but I don’t really feel like I’m ready to tackle those people. I read more comics and manga than books.

Which is where I’m going to this. Since I’m just a giant fucking nerd who likes to write, I figured I’d best start another blog about the nerdy crap my family looks at me strangely for.

Yeah, gonna blog about Animus and Mangos. For the past year (or two or ten), I’ve been a bit too on top of that stuff for my own good. I mean hell, I have way too much to say about what the hell happened to the damn second season of K-ON!! than anything else. I mean really, the show started about a group of girls starting a band and aiming to perform at the Budokan and then dissolved into “lol what band? Hey look at this cute turtle!”

Are you still with me?

Mango and its cross section

The subject of my new blog

I’m impressed.

So yeah, I’ve already got some posts on that subject lined up. Sorry to you guys who really don’t give a damn about various Weeaboo nonsense with the crazy Japanese cartoons. Although I will try to make sense of certain things in a way that non weeaboos could understand them. I will still update this blog, though that will be when stuff happens and I have no idea when that’ll be.

So here it is: Weeaboo Fidget

(See what I did there?)

Also: I find it both awesome and terrible that WordPress was able to pick up on what Animu meant, giving me the option of creating it to be a hyperlink to Wiki’s “Anime” article.

October 5, 2010

Things They Don’t Tell You About Growing Up: Part 2: Vacuuming


Bro, do you even know what this is? It's a fuckin Kirby vacuum! This shit right here is like the fuckin BMW or Jaguar or some shit of vacuums. So powerful it'll suck the pubes off of your balls. Just kidding bro, you know I shave.

In order to make this interesting, I have written this in the voice of a character I have created named A. Situation. I am not witty.

Now listen, there are three things in life that are fucking guaranteed to make me happy: Jager bombs, hiekin, and fucking vacuuming. Now bro listen, I know what you’re thinkin’ “What the fuck bro, you all domesticated ‘n shit now?”

Nah bro. Listen, and I swear to God if you say that shit again, I’ma break your jaw-but anyway! For real bros, there ain’t nothin in this world like vacuuming. Now I know that when we were kids our parents made us do it and it was fucking stupid, but when you get your own badass carpet or rug or some shit, it’s fuckin different.

So like, lets say you get a dog bro. A fuckin huge, white ass dog that sheds like a mother fucker (not bein specific here or nothin). And you got this badass rug that’s got fucking lions and shields and shit all over it. Fuckin REGAL shit bro! Now listen, you walk into the room after a night of clubbin, or after your breakfast of protein bars and raw eggs, or you come back from the gym cause you were workin out and you see your rug and notice (cause you gotta fuckin pay attention to this shit when you got your own place bro) that the rug is now a shade of white. You ain’t got that shit to make it lighter or darker you got that shit cause you were in the store and said “Now THAT’S a rug you fuck skanks on!”

Now cause you have all your addrenline rushin to your head you’re fuckin pissed. You turn to your dog and say “What the fuck bro!”

Your dog just looks at you and says “I’m a fuckin dog, bro!”

Your dog is right, he’s a fuckin dog and that’s what dogs do. That’s what they fuckin do: shed.

Kirby All-Star: Survival Mode

This is Kirby. He is a video game character, but he sucks shit up like a vacuum which is pretty cool too bro.

Now if you got bitches or skanks or some bros comin over you gotta clean that shit up. So what do you do? Grab that fuckin vacuum bro! So you start goin at it bro, sucking all that shit up. BAM! Fuckin clean carpet in all the fuckin colors its supposed to be, looks fuckin new too bro. I swear to fuckin God bro, swear to fuckin God-that shit will look so badass now that it’s all clean and shit. Excuse me, I gotta fuckin take this shot down so I don’t get too excited.

Alright back, now I know what you’re thinking: A. Situation what are you doin drinkin in the middle of the day, at a fuckin coffee shop no less. That don’t even serve alcohol at coffee shops. Well you see A. Situation always comes prepared. And like they say, “it’s 5 o’clock somewhere!” KNOW WHAT I MEAN BRO?

So anyway. Vacuuming. Fuck you have no idea. Cause if you did, you wouldn’t have read this far, you would have looked of the title of this shit and said, “FUCK YEAH BRO! FUCKING VACUUMING IS THE FUCKIN SHIT. THAT REMINDS ME I GOTTA GO DO THAT SHIT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!”

Not to mention nothing gets a fuckin girl soaked up than seein a fuckin bombass rug all fuckin clean and shit. Panties fuckin drop at the site of it bro. Swear to fuckin God bro, swear to fuckin God.

Fuck all this talkin an’ typin about this shit reminds me I gotta go do some vacuuming myself. PEACE!

September 15, 2010

Other People Having Kids


Newborn child, seconds after birth. The umbili...

These things have come out of people you knew. Kinda like in ALIENS.

It happens in every High School at least once every year: someone gets knocked up. Yet for some reason, it is never a big deal. This usually happens because the people getting knocked up are, well, that kind of people. You are completely unfazed other than the initial  “O RLY?” factor.

When you started college you went to some sort of orientation or had heard this fact somewhere: two out of four will drop out, one of which will be due to pregnancy. Hearing this, in your head you laughed, Pregnancy? Really? I can understand  alcohol and drug addictions and even bad grades, but pregnancy? Come on man! This is the future; we got rubbers and pills to prevent that!

But then you get half way through college or maybe this even happens once you’re done. Either way it will happen. Maybe you’ll be walking to a Dairy Queen on a nice summer day or maybe it’ll just happen when you’re browsing Facebook. You will see people you knew holding small children. Very small children. Then you notice that the girl you knew holding the child in the photo is in a hospital gown and looks very tired. Wait a minute! You say to yourself, Did fucking X have a fucking child?

Yes, yes they did. And they tend to have this happiness in their eyes that you crave deep down. (Stop denying it, you’re only embarrassing yourself.)

For me this moment came when I saw a former roommate of mine comment on a friend’s…. whatever on Facebook. I noticed the picture of a small newborn child. Knowing this girl my first thought was “oh god she finally snapped and stole someone’s kid. Give me the fucking phone I need to call the cops.” But as I did some stalking investigating I found out she had gotten married and birthed the child.

I was genuinely confused. She was the last one I’d ever expect to have a kid. When she lived with me she had done so many drugs I thought that her body would have been unable to spawn offspring. There were nights where I’d walk downstairs and ask if I could have some sudafed since I was having legitimate problems breathing due to allergies. As she held a half drunk 40 in her hand, she smiled and told me she had just ate them all. The whole pack. Oh, and I think she also had two hits of acid at the time.

I just walked away. My brain was hurting.

But there she was, happy in her photos with the child. I hope she stopped her drug habits now that she was a mother. She wasn’t dumb, just a weird girl who should have grown up in the 1960s. Part of me was jealous of her in a way, she was starting a family. Deep down a lot of us want that; little monsters following us around that think we’re the coolest, strongest, smartest people on the planet. I turned to my fiancee and was about to open my mouth, but then I thought about it for a moment and ran upstairs to give her her birth control pills.

Not now. Maybe in about 10 years.

August 26, 2010

A Window to the Past: I Get Mad Watching French Films


One day, I will find this man and punch him in the mouth.

As I mentioned in an early post, I despise artsy films. I hate them and wish that only bad things happened to their directors. I wish for all the food in their fridge to rot and their wines to somehow go bad.

But anyway, recently while I was looking for old writing samples, I came across something that reminded me of all the pain I once went through. I found the assigned blog that I had to maintain for my French New Wave class at Wayne State.

It’s all pretty bad; you easily can see where I stop giving a damn about it as the movies drove me insane. I begin to curse and swear and demand the head of Jean-Loc Godard, then cool down when I realize that I do need to write halfway decent stuff to get a good grade in the class.

(Well, it might not be that dramatic, but I do curse a lot towards the middle.)

So here it is!

http://antoninlooksatfrenchflicks.blogspot.com/

Looking at it, I wondered how the hell I got an A in the class, though it may have something to do with how I noticed that the professor (a married man) was always hanging around young girls on campus and taking them out to dinner……

August 3, 2010

Strange Thoughts: The Future of Pop Idols


I’m dedicating this to Chris for being obsessed with this stuff for years. Oh, and the robots; you guys will love this stuff.

I’ve always admired the Japanese for two reasons: first, they tend to have technology a good five years before we do. Secondly, because they’re so goddamn wacky. Or at least they can be. (I mean really, have you seen any anime? Shit’s nuts! It’s cool though; I’m a nerd).

Recently, I came across something that freaked me out at first glance, but then I began thinking about it and came to a strange conclusion. But before I begin, I’d like you to look at Exhibit A: Britney Spears

Yes, I am going somewhere with this

Now, you’re allowed to like the music that Britney Spears “makes,” but you must recognize that it’s meant to be shallow catchy-as-hell pop stuff. That in and of itself is not a bad thing-that music is needed every now and then. What is the issue here is that she doesn’t write her own lyrics, doesn’t involve herself in any of the music-making part, and can’t really sing that well either.

read more »

July 9, 2010

FORCED INTEREST 2: Blogging


I’ve been meaning to try something. Apparently, the best way to get a ridiculous number of hits on your blog is to make a post about how to get a ridiculous number of hits. Even easier, apparently you just copy-pasta this guy’s post right here. This was recommended by this guy so you can’t get mad at me for it.

Man, life on the internet is tough these days; you have to outright steal stuff for attention. That or take photos of Miley Cyrus’s vajayjay. (If you want info on that look it up yourself).

Now, I like you guys (especially the robots that keep visiting on days that I don’t post anything). You inflate my tiny sense of self worth and ego so I’m going to try and make this easy on you guys. Sure, you could just not read the post but that’d be boring and lame. What I’m going to do is use a technique I invented in this post that I now call FORCED INTEREST (it must be yelled when spoken). What now follows is not going to actually be my writing. Nothing below this paragragh is written by me. Part of it will be this post while another will be bolded, classic, interesting literature. Can you guess where it’s from? It should be easy. (Hint: It’s the Divine Comedy by Dante).

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June 23, 2010

Top 10 Things to do in Royal Oak


I hear people like the list thing on the blog-o-spheres, so why not? Summer’s here and that means it’s safe to walk around outside for extended periods of time. Since I live a stone’s throw from downtown Royal Oak, I like to spend my time there. It’s like living in a city without actually having to live in a city. But anyway, since I don’t have tons of cash, and I hate spending time in bars, it’s a bit harder to enjoy myself in such a place. I have my ways, and I’m going to share them with you now.

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May 27, 2010

Why I support(ed) Draw Muhammad Day.


I realize that I may be a week late on this topic, but whatever. It’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to.

There are few political issues I care about and/or will actually bother looking into, much less blog about. Freedom of speech is one of these exceptions. I love my freedom of speech more than any other right that we have. When I was younger, my grandma and mother often told me about communist Poland where saying the wrong thing would get you killed. Friends and family members were taken away from them for those reasons. I would get scared and ask them if that could happen here.

“We don’t have that here in America,” they’d say with a smile on their faces, “we have freedom of speech.”

Assuming you haven’t been living under a rock, you should have heard that Pakistan has recently banned Facebook and a bunch of other websites. Why, you ask? Why would a country ban the internet’s most popular social networking site? Because of this group. “Everybody Draw Mohammad Day!”

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May 22, 2010

Look! A poll! Who doesn’t love polls?


You know, I know I’ve been skipping out on updating this weekly. A lot has been going on and I just haven’t been able to keep up. Which sucks for you guys since you seem to be coming back for whatever reason and hoping to be entertained (which is actually why I’m so shocked you guys keep coming). With my kitchen being torn up, (don’t worry, you get a full explanation later) I just haven’t been able to sit down and churn stuff out. My days have been filled with loud saws and running to both Home Depot and Lowes. There’s dust in the air, and even one of our cats is getting ashma problems.

But anyway, I’m just making excuses at this point. Sorry about that folks.

What I would like you, my dear invisible friends, to do for me is take this wonderful polls I’ve included in this post. I’ve been wondering what you have been thinking of my once-a-week postings. Should I do more? Do less? Everyday? (Not happening). And what about the lengths, too long? Should I maybe throw in some shorter ones now and then? What would you like to see?

After taking the polls please comment in the comment section below. Not on Facebook, if you could. :3

Thanks friends.

March 29, 2010

Two Words to Kill an English Major


While I don’t really want to talk much about my college days, every now and then I am forced to come to terms with the fact that I was/am a pretty stereotypical English Major. Even before I was an official English Major, people thought I was one. Actually, I was Pre-Med for the longest time!

Another example of this was my reading of 4 novels last week. Four? Yes, four standard-length novels of around 85,000 (give or take) words each for a total of 340,000 words. (I did count, as the word count is important to me for writing purposes). I was quite proud of myself actually. I don’t think I ever read that much even when I was assigned to back in college. Closing the book, I turned to my fiancee and told her of my achievement. She only shrugged, “Yeah, I’d expect that from you. You were an English Major.”

Whenever I watch a movie (or read a book for that matter as well), I break it  apart as it goes along. Through subtle details that others may not notice, but appear like bright spot-lights to those of us used to finding them, I usually am able to tell you whats going to happen in a movie to the very end. I can usually predict who’s going to die, who’s not really dead, who’s sleeping with whom, and who’s going to betray whom. If I am wrong, and it makes sense, I am a very happy person because I enjoy surprises (since my mother stopped caring about my birthday when I was 10). Yet, this is this never enough for me. I must dive deeper into the piece breaking apart themes and morals, trying to decide what the piece is trying to say or if the writer/director is trying to say something through it. I am still in the process of arguing with my father-in-law-to-be that Dances with Pocahontas Avatar is not so much about Environmentalism as it is about the Evils of Capitalism. (Please don’t get me started on this).

So yes, all of these things point to me being very stereotypical. I may as well throw on a barret, grab my coffee, and go to the nearest poetry reading to recite my terrible verse.

HOWEVER! What probably makes me more annoying than the usual English Major is my love for the nerdy and hatred of the artsy. Yes. I. Hate. Artsy. Bull. Shit. I lost the good graces of many of my professors for expressing my distaste of some of the crap I was forced to read and watch. For instance, I made the mistake of taking a French New Wave film class. Now, I realize that the stuff that these little French men did in their movies changed the way we do film today, but that still doesn’t mean they’re any good. Apparently the French seemed to think that making a movie that  the audience wouldn’t want to sit all the way through was a good idea. Yes, this was the intention of the film. Everyone in the class got up and clapped at the ingeniousness of the film, saying it was one of the best films ever made.

Don’t get me wrong, I love watching B-movies from time to time. We used to play a game of “Who can find the worst movie ever made?” My brother won the title of King and every time we remember the movie we get to punch him as he laughs at our pain. His physical pain may leave, but our mental pain never will.

And if simply not liking the Artsy stuff wasn’t bad enough, I’ve actually defended the use of such books as Harry Potter for discussion. Apparently if a book sells more than 5 copies in it’s original run, it is shit. Today, I will bestow upon you the best way to shut any of these people up. It is a mere two words, or rather, a name: Charles Dickens. Ask them if they think the man wrote good literature. Most of them will say yes. Already they are stuck in your trap as you can now pummel them with this strange thing called “facts.” Charles Dickens was not seen as serious literature in his time because he wrote to the lowest common denominator;  aka everyone. At these words they will sweat profusely, and may start to mention that he was a nazi, homophobic, anti-Semitic, racist, and/or that he raped small children. Do not worry about these, you have already won; the English Major is trying to rebuild their shattered reality.

Note: You are not allowed to use this method to support the Twilight series. They aren’t written that well and it leaves young girls with a terrible version of love. If you do, I will find you.

In case you were wondering, the four books I read were part of a series by Scott Westerfeld. They are referred to as the Uglies Trilogy-he made a fourth book later-and are actually science fiction books written for teens. (Yes, here’s something else that would have gotten me burned at the stake: not just science fiction, but teen science fiction). I thought they were written pretty well and discussed some good ideas and themes. Also, I had tough time figuring out what was going to happen next. I highly recommend them as well as any of his other books (I currently reading his steampunk novel Leviathan).

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