Posts tagged ‘substitue’

July 5, 2010

Jokes I’ve Played on Students 03


Students must think I’m bipolar as I often can be two very different people in one hour. I don’t like to be mean-I really don’t-but sometimes it’s just part of the job. I’m a sub after all. I like to be the nice sub, cracking jokes and allowing the students to enjoy learning, but we all know that cannot be the case every day.

At a certain middle school, in a certain school district, certain students have given me a name. When they see me standing in place of their teacher, a sense of anxiety overcomes them,

“It’s the Sub Who Plays the Mean Games!”

This title, rightfully bestowed upon me came from a multiple day job where I had a pretty unruly class. The teacher had left a long note warning the students that if the sub (that’s me) did so much as left their name down for anything they’d be getting a suspension. No questions asked. Cool huh? Well, I made it a point to explain this note to each class as they walked in,

My subbing face

“And here’s the best part guys!” I’d say, looking far more excited than I should have, “If I get mad at you, I get to write you up for a suspension. Which means I leave your name down and if that happens you get another suspension-that’s two for the price of one! Isn’t that awesome?”

They looked at me like I was insane.

This worked for a short while, but there was pack mentality and they became ridiculously noisy eventually. I needed to do something drastic,

“Alright class we’re going to play a game!”

Everyone stopped talking, but their eyes said more than you can imagine.

“First one to talk gets a suspension! Who would like to win the game?”

I made sure to grin as evilly and sadistically as I could.

“I don’t like this game,” one student groaned.

“TELL HER WHAT SHE’S WON!” I shouted singling her out. The student eyes widened larger than I think they ever had. Her face went pale and her mouth hung open by exactly a half inch.

“Can I keep playing, please?” she begged.

I smiled, “Of course you can.” I turned to the rest of the class, “Does anyone else want out of the game?”

They didn’t speak until the bell rang 30 minutes later.

June 7, 2010

Jokes I’ve Played on Students 02


Oh yes, I did.

This one was is especially terrible.

It was a middle school, I was having a great day with some really good students. They actually worked silently when I asked! There wasn’t much for me to do, and I quickly became bored.

Then there was a phone call from the office. So-and-So’s mother was there to pick them up for their dentist appointment.

Suddenly my bordem vanished: I had an idea. Being a substitute I’ve kinda learned how to change my personality type on demand. (At least while I’m working). I have no problem switching from normal nice-guy to super-cereal authority figure. Here, I quickly adapted a somber expression and called the student up to the desk. I looked at him with a pitiful expression, the kind that adults gave us when they told us that the World Trade Centers had fallen. Tears may have been forming in the corner of my eyes.

“John,” I said, making it hard for the words to come out, “it seems there’s been an accident…”

Heads snapped in his direction. The kid’s face went white and he may have stopped breathing for just a moment. His eyes looked on the verge of tears and he waited in painful anticipation of the details. What happened? Who did it happen to?

“Actually,” I said, “your mom’s in the office waiting to take you to the dentist. Take your stuff and get out of here!”

Laughter and relief. Apparently the kid had completely forgotten about the appointment.

I’m pretty sure he gave his mom a hug when he saw her.

See? Mean jokes have good side effects.

%d bloggers like this: