Posts tagged ‘taxes’

November 16, 2010

Pay Yo Taxes: Not For You, but For Me.

Seal of the United States Department of the Tr...

Straight up Hustlers.

The other day I received a knock at the door and through the window I could see a man holding bright yellow papers. When I opened the door he introduced himself as a member of the Treasury Department.

First thought: Oh hell, how did Bank of America fuck up our payments now?

He began explaining to me how a certain “Evelyn” who owned the home before us owed back taxes… a lot of them. He showed me the numbers on the sheet and I nearly lost control of my bodily functions. Of course my head was swirling with panic and the desire for a lot of angry phone calls. On the sheet it said “YOU MUST PAY BY MAY 2011 OR YOU WILL LOSE YOUR HOME!!!!!!!!!”

Though I may be exaggerating the amount of exclamation points, there certainly were more in my head.

Then came the awkward conversation.

Guy: Also I need to take a picture showing that I was here. Will that be okay?
Me: (still in a state of shock) drrr dahhh darrrrrr…..
Guy: Of the house, not of you.
Me: Oh! Yeah… that’s…fine.

He then handed me the papers and parted. Frantically I began looking through the papers praying for a miracle. Then I found it.

I ran out the door, shouting for him to stop the car. I was in an over-sized Legend of Zelda hoodie and Jack Skellington PJ pants and looking like a crazy man. In my defense, I was working at home and wanted to be comfy, hardly expecting any company.

“Hey!” I shouted, “Wrong address!”

The address was 23541. My address is 23451.


Moral of the story: Pay your taxes so that you don’t give your unsuspecting neighbors heart attacks.

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