Posts tagged ‘teaching’

July 5, 2010

Jokes I’ve Played on Students 03


Students must think I’m bipolar as I often can be two very different people in one hour. I don’t like to be mean-I really don’t-but sometimes it’s just part of the job. I’m a sub after all. I like to be the nice sub, cracking jokes and allowing the students to enjoy learning, but we all know that cannot be the case every day.

At a certain middle school, in a certain school district, certain students have given me a name. When they see me standing in place of their teacher, a sense of anxiety overcomes them,

“It’s the Sub Who Plays the Mean Games!”

This title, rightfully bestowed upon me came from a multiple day job where I had a pretty unruly class. The teacher had left a long note warning the students that if the sub (that’s me) did so much as left their name down for anything they’d be getting a suspension. No questions asked. Cool huh? Well, I made it a point to explain this note to each class as they walked in,

My subbing face

“And here’s the best part guys!” I’d say, looking far more excited than I should have, “If I get mad at you, I get to write you up for a suspension. Which means I leave your name down and if that happens you get another suspension-that’s two for the price of one! Isn’t that awesome?”

They looked at me like I was insane.

This worked for a short while, but there was pack mentality and they became ridiculously noisy eventually. I needed to do something drastic,

“Alright class we’re going to play a game!”

Everyone stopped talking, but their eyes said more than you can imagine.

“First one to talk gets a suspension! Who would like to win the game?”

I made sure to grin as evilly and sadistically as I could.

“I don’t like this game,” one student groaned.

“TELL HER WHAT SHE’S WON!” I shouted singling her out. The student eyes widened larger than I think they ever had. Her face went pale and her mouth hung open by exactly a half inch.

“Can I keep playing, please?” she begged.

I smiled, “Of course you can.” I turned to the rest of the class, “Does anyone else want out of the game?”

They didn’t speak until the bell rang 30 minutes later.

Advertisements
June 3, 2010

Why we should understand if a teacher at a run-down school has a drinking problem


There are times I wish I had a destructive habit like smoking or alcoholism. Not to relieve stress but purely for aesthetic purposes. Honestly, since graduating I barely have one alcoholic drink a month. I will not actively go out to get said habits since that’s…well… dumb (dumber than most of my posts even), especially since alcoholism actually runs in my family.

Every time I look at a glass of vodka or whiskey I can hear my late Dziadek yelling violently somewhere in the background. However, the only way to shut him up is to drink it.

But I’m getting ahead of myself here. Sometimes hangovers can be fun, fun in the “god I feel like shit but at the same time I feel awesome cause I’m a goddamn ROCKSTAR” kinda way. You carry this stupid grin on your face the entire time because the pain isn’t so bad as to render you immobile so much as it numbs everything else. You also tend to walk around like Johnny Depp in the Pirates movies. Feels good man.

There were a few times I went to schools and came home realizing that if I did work there on a normal basis, I would become said alcoholic. But good sir! you say, Teachers must be the model citizen for students to embody!

Okay, it wasn't this bad but you get the idea.

Here’s the thing.

1. I’m not really a teacher in the truest sense… yet.

2. I don’t actually have a second point since that logic is pretty good. But I’m going to ignore it for the remainder of this post because I think it was a humorous train of thought.

3. Oh! Does leading by negative example count?

Anyway, one day I accepted a job for a school whose district I had yet to go to. I checked out the school and saw that it was close to 8-mile. I shrugged it off at first, after all it wasn’t actually in Detroit. The school actually looked nice from the outside, they were even building a new fancy wing of the school alongside the mile road. Yet when I walked inside I noticed metal detectors, first big tip. The classes were bare, with these tiny TVs that I think are older than my parents bolted and chained down in the highest corners. No computers in sight either. Most important to me however, were the lack of any form of lesson plans. There was a stack of worksheets so I ended up giving that to the first class. The first half of the class went well since everyone was still waking up, but by the second half it got loud.

Really REALLY loud.

read more »

%d bloggers like this: